Veni, Vidi, Pinxit: I Came, I Saw, I Painted

Okay, so my Latin sucks. I don't care, I think it's pretty accurate. The dreaded Curse of the '06 Paint Challenge is over. I finished painting right around 12:30 this afternoon.

I definitely saved the worst for last. This was every bit of a pain in the ass that I thought it would be. It was steep. It was hot. It was a wee bit dangerous.

The day started off rough. I was going over to the rental center to pick up the genie lift. I had planned to tow it myself. I've never towed anything with my truck before. Although I have a trailer hitch I don't have anyway to hook up the electrical,no brake lights or directionals for the trailer. Not good. Forty five dollars later the genie gets delivered by the rental center.

The day was supposed to start off with thunder showers & clear up and get very hot in the early afternoon. It's cloudy & overcast but, no rain yet.

So,I get all my paint & gear ready, put it in the genie's bucket & lift. The damn thing won't go all the way to the peak of the house. It's at an awkward angle to the lift & with the steep slope to the driveway there's now way to reposition the lift by myself.

Plan B. I leave the bucket positioned right at the edge of the roof & leave most of the gear there. I get a secton of ladder, put a roof hook on it & put it on the top of the garage roof so, I can have something to hold onto as I slide my ass up the roof. This is not fun. The roof is steep. I can feel myself slide a little bit if I don't hold myself just right. But, worse come to worst, if I do slide the bucket will prevent me from falling from the second floor roof onto the driveway. Great.

I use a combination of brushes, rollers, & pole extensions to get everywhere I need to go. My stomach is in my mouth most of the time. I'm bound & determined to get this done but, I'm also aware that it's kind of dangerous. As the sun starts to come out it also becomes very hot. I'm sweating continuosly. I'm swilling Gatorade & water regularly but, still occasionally get light headed when I stand up.

The Genie gets stuck in the up position. It turns out getting on & off the bucket from the roof has made it unlevel & you can't move the bucket when's it not level. It's a failsafe thing.

I have to crawl from the bucket to the porch roof & into a second floor window to get into the house. I call the rental center. They tell me what they think it is. It's getting hotter & hotter & I realize I'm running out of time to get this done. Once the clock hits noon I'm really going to have to consider quitting. I don't want to pass out from the heat. I don't have time to fiddle fuck with the genie to level it. I decide it's fine in the stuck position right where it is.

I crawl back out through the window onto the porch roof onto the bucket. Another 30-45 minutes of work left. The sun has come out & the roof is getting hotter & hotter. The shingles have begun to burn the heels of my hands. My pants are worn through the seat right down to my boxer-brief. My ass is burning. Sweat is continously running in my eyes. I'm dripping. I'm afraid I will become to slick with sweat to stay on the roof. I push hard. My arms are hurting from the contortions of using the pole extension at its longest setting. I push some more. Suddenly, I'm done.

I crawl back through the window. I call the rental center to come get the genie. I'm through painting. I can't believe it. It's over. I didn't die. I didn't get a broken leg. I didn't get heatstroke (much). I didn't even get a sunburn. The house looks great. I didn't pay some numbnuts some exorbitant sum to do it for me. I did it myself. Well, DD & DW helped but, the bulk of the grunt work was done by yours truly.

I've still managed to lose weight. I've still managed to improve my running. DW,DD,& I are all still on speaking terms. The summer isn't over either. The family vacation to Acadia National Park has been booked. The painting booty may now be acquired. Somewhere out there is a flat screen TV & a Bose sound system with my name on it.

How satisfying.

How sweet.

And as with all home improvement projects the only unanswered question is...

Next?